The History of Thanksgiving (Silly)
- Circa 2000BC:
- The wild turkey is domesticated by humans.
- Pre 1127:
- In Europe, the minimum punishment for harming a turkey was 1 day of ostracization.
- October 19th, 1127:
- A lone unnamed turkey kills Sir Longfellow Givings.
- November 11th, 1368:
- Pope George IV officially canonizes Saint Givings for being killed by a turkey.
- November 19th, 1493:
- Christopher Columbus introduces the turkey to the new world.
- November 11th, 1620:
- In defiance of European rule, the pilgrims celebrate Saint Givings day by killing and eating an unnamed turkey.
- November 12th, 1620:
- Turkeys are pissed.
- November 13th, 1620:
- The Turkey War of 1620 begins.
- November 22nd, 1773:
- The Turkey War of 1620 ends dramatically when a TurkeyCyborg is reprogrammed in the future to go back in time and kill the leader of the Turkey resistance.
- November 1st, 1811:
- President Garfield declares the fourth Thursday of every November as Saints Givings day.
- November 29th, 1811:
- President Garfield shoots and kills a Turkey named Odie. Garfield eats Odie.
- November 13th, 1901:
- Hallmark renames Saints Givings Day to Thanksgiving as a marketing move.
- Present Day:
- Thanksgiving is renamed "Eat Turkey and Shop Tomorrow" day.
- November 26th, 2012:
- Terminator 6, Odie the Turkey Judges Humanity is released to theaters.
- November 27th, 2012:
- Turkey Cyborgs are sold for $9.95 when five greeting cards are purchased.
- November 28th, 2012:
- Turkey Cyborgs eat humanity and rename the holiday to "Saint Odie Day".
Posted by
dave
on Thursday, November 27, 2003 at 11:17 AM
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