We here at tilegarden haven't blogged much, if at all, about the war. I cannot speak for my counterpart other than to say that he watches CNN about 16 hours a day.

When I think about war, I think about what I learned in history class, and what I've seen in the movies or on TV. This war has left me with such mixed feelings that I cannot take a side.... other than to say that I wish someone else were Commander in Chief.

This is the first war in which we the public are right there, at the front lines, along with our favorite correspondents from CNN, MSNBC, and whoever else has managed to wiggle their way next to those who are in unbelievable danger right now. Just today, we've had a helicopter accident, an American soldier that mortally wounded at least one of his own, as well as seriously wounding quite a few more, and now CNN is reporting "that it appears" a Patriot missile has likely ENGAGED a Royal Air Force plane!!!!!

I have to admit that I was mildly curious to see what actually happens in a war. That lasted all of about 5 minutes, and then I didn't want to see anymore. One side of me argues that it's the ultimate rubber-necker's dream - you get to possibly see chaos and mayhem, blood and guts, but you don't have to move along! Another part of me thinks that since our troops can't exactly turn off the telly and take a walk, then maybe neither should I. The last part of me thinks that televising and having a running commentary on a WAR is sick, sick, sick.

To me, there is something very sacred about war. Previously, we've only heard about them second-hand, which gives them some kind of reverance. To have it on my television feels like I am cheapening it somehow. As though it has now become entertainment, like a movie or TV show. I am NOT going to get into the rights or wrongs or justifications of this war - however, I do want to get into what is actually happening, right now. There are people my age that are in the middle of the desert, bombing and killing other humans. Maybe having this televised for all to see will show everyone just how awful and horrible war really is. I remember reading in The Century that in WWII, many young men were so gung-ho about going to war, fighting for their country, all very noble - until they actually got over there and started to have to kill fellow human beings, or be killed. Their buddies died before their eyes.

There are Americans in Iraq right now that are having to perform duties and witness things that I so wish did not have to occur. To have them there and me here, all of us watching the same thing, feels so very disrespectful in a way. As though I don't deserve to be sharing this experience with them - after all, they're living it, while I'm merely watching it.

Tonight on CNN, they have been broadcasting actual combat. Am I the only person in America screaming inside my own head, "WHAT IS THIS ON MY TELEVISION FOR?!?!?!?" I feel helpless. It is horrifying that sons, husbands, and fathers (no women have died yet that I know of) cease to be because of an accident!! Who is the enemy here? From what I've read on Yahoo, 22 people have died since this war started, and only 2 of those died in combat! 20 people have died from helicopter accidents, and an American soldier throwing grenades into the tents of his compatriots.

The proverbial straw for me, though, is the press. They say things like, "We are broadcasting this combat live, so anything, anything at all could happen here." Which basically tells me that they're covering their asses for potentially broadcasting flying body parts. Which I get the feeling they'd be all too happy to do, just as long as you keep watching. They are continuously trying to interview The Guy In Charge, who I personally feel needs to be keeping his eye on the situation at hand, NOT chatting with Blitzer about their next objective, keeping in mind of course that he would not divulge any sensitive information. I had to leave the room when they were reporting the possible (probable) RAF aircraft accident. Their voices were so sterile. So devoid of emotion. I do not WANT this to become desensitizing! Our own missile downing an ally's plane is mind-numbingly u n t h i n k a b l e. The very thought makes me cry. To have some idiot drone on and on about the same thing over and over again is a bit insulting ("You know, some might think this march into Baghdad would be a cake walk" - no lie, he said this at least twice. Screw you. Anyone who thought that isn't worth having it explained to them otherwise).

Sorry about the language. I'm feeling extremely frustrated and isolated. I want to support those who are over there, donning gas masks every hour or so, and I do support them. Thinking about you dying over there is so sad. Watching you die over there is unbearable.